went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
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