Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
We're too hungover to prance.
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
Randomize
