Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
My boob is missing a layer of skin
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
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