Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
Randomize
