If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
you ever wonder how lesbians feel about girls being in relationships with other girls on facebook? could it annoy them more than it annoys me?
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
Randomize
