there was a trapeze. enough said
I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
Randomize
