Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
Randomize
