why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
Randomize
