she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
Randomize
