I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
Randomize
