Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
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