no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
Randomize
