She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
Randomize
