Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
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