Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
Randomize
