if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
we made out on top of his cat.
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
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