i need an iv and a liver transplant
Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
Randomize