How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
you're like a bully in the Christmas story
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
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