You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
Randomize
