I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
Randomize
