Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
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