My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
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