Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(215): View more from Pennsylvania

yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"

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(208): View more from Idaho

just looked at his mug shot... not really my type

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(561): View more from Florida

Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.

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(910): View more from North Carolina

Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.

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(215): View more from Pennsylvania

while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back

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(605): View more from South Dakota

You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today

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(410): View more from Maryland

ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?

(860): View more from Connecticut

Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time

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(640): View more from

I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven

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(206): View more from Washington

So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!

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