Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
Randomize
