i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
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