i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
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