Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
So the answer to your question is yes, I was masturbating on the roof of my building.
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
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