FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
i dont know the whole gay terminator look is really hot on him
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
Randomize
