Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
I think we need to take a brake
What upsets me the most about that is that you spelt it 'brake'
ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
Randomize
