I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
Randomize
