Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
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