Got a toothbrush?
Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
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