Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
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