Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
Randomize
