it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
Compositionally, that's actually a really nice picture.
And your penis looks really nice too.
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
