he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
Randomize
