just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
Randomize