I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
Rumble strips road head = magical
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
Randomize
