I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
why does my vagina smell like weed?
omg thats a great idea
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
Randomize
