Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
Randomize
