I hate your face
i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
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