I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
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