YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
Gay?
German.
Pity.
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
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