How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
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