put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
