bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
I was at his place until 2am. We just sat really close an stared at each other. I think you are right. Germans must not have feelings. Not even tingly ones in their pants.
Randomize
