we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
Having a random hookup so left but love u
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
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