Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
Randomize
