Yes. UR adorable in a weird way.
So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
