i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
what the fuck happened to the tacos
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
Randomize
