Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
Randomize
