Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
hey, when you wake up, search yourself on youtube
my sister already found it, were watching it right now. i give it 2 thumbs up.
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
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