I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
We were driving to yogurt express by state and these girls mooned is while they passed us and we saw full vag complete with tampon string dangling.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
Randomize
