I'm gonna have a badass scar
I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
Randomize
