Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
Randomize
