guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
Randomize
