this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
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