He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
Weer fine. went to buiy cigxs, but hes theonly one waering shoes. He caem out wti chicke fingers instead. whatecer, there th 8 dollar kind.
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
Randomize
