I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
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