he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
Randomize
