how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
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