I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
Randomize
