I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
Randomize
