Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
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