I like to think it a success when the cops are called
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
Randomize
