So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
Randomize
