Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
When did angry sex become our thing?
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
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