you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
Randomize
