How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
Should I ask him to prom mid fuck? That way he has to say yes.
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
Randomize
