I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
i wouldnt be suprised if in indian your name meant "walking lie"
Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
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