My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
I think my vagina is haunted
I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
Randomize
