Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
no you cant smoke seaweed
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
Randomize
