Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
Randomize
