Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
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