I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
third nipple confirmed
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
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