He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
Randomize
