Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
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