Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
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