How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
Randomize
