It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
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