My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
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