Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
Randomize
