I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
Randomize
