i permit you to call me
Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
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