your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
Randomize
