Kareoke will never be a sober sport
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
Randomize
