there's paper in my vomit.
i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
Randomize