I feel like I'm in dance class right now
First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Randomize
