Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
organizing the empties. That sober.
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
Randomize
