all I know is if I don't watch spice world right now there will be a firefight.
quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
Randomize
