God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
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