I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
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