dats a huuuuuge bitch!
who is this????
oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
is this the sara with the beer cane?
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
Randomize
