Every time a guy reaches down to touch my vag, i feel really sorry for all the transgender girls who still have a penis there.
That's weird cause every time i feel a girls vag i feel way worse for all the guys who reached down there and got a penis.
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
Randomize