hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
I wasn't excited about it either, but if I was going to have her take a load on her face, role playing as some french dude is the least I could do
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
Randomize
