Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
Randomize
