apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
Randomize
