Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Randomize
