I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
if he wont fuck me on the stairamster then i dont think theres much XXX shit going down
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
Randomize