im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
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